boopyourface

i thought that’s what we were signing up for yesterday. 40,000 kip got us both a giant inner tube and a ride in a tuk-tuk to the starting point 5 km away.

in our lonely planet guide it says something like, “the journey takes about 2 hours or more depending on how often you stop at the small bars set up along the way down.”

what does that mean to you?

when i hear small bar, i think foodstand-esque. somebody selling drinks out of a cooler. you float down the river, grab a drink from a vendor, and pick up a little buzz on the mekong.

the image in my head was all wrong.

as we rolled down (literally, for once, rolling our tubes) to the river and clambered into our tubes. i heard this funny sounding noise. it was this crescendoing buzzing sound — zzzzZZZZZ — and it was followed by this loud THWACK, a splash, and then cheering and screams of laughter. at the time, as a novice to the sport of tubing, i was aimlessy spinning around, and couldn’t pinpoint the source of the sounds. but as the noises continued to cycle, i finally figured out what was happening. at the first “small bar” on our tubing adventure there was a zipline set up running out lengthwise over the river. the series of noises was the victim going down the zipline, followed by the sound of his trapeze(?) hitting the block marking the end of the run, and the splash was, of course, the sound of their person hitting the water. i came to discover, however, that not every run was met with cheering and laughter. if said person were to let go of the trapeze before reaching the block at the end of the run, their entry into the water was met with some scattered boos, but mostly with disinterest. however, if said person attempted to retain their grip until they hit the block — resulting in a spectacular tumble and face/back/belly flop into the river — THEN they got the cheers and laughter.

this first zipline was built off a platform that help seven or eight tables, a kitchen, a bar, and about 50 people. this was the first “small bar”.

now, that day (yesterday), the power was out in the town of vang vieng. for us, this initially meant that we had to use the bathroom either in the pitch black or with the door open. but it later came to mean that we ran out of kip because we couldn’t go to the ATM. by the time we paid for our tubes, we only had 25000 left (about $3).

i only bring this up because anh had the most absolutely depressed look on her face when she realized that we could only afford one drink on the river. i’d say it might’ve even rivaled the look on her face whilst riding the vomit-wagon/bus that brought us to luang prabang today. seriously, i didn’t know i was dating an alcoholic. and i don’t even drink.

she was seriously bummed out. i was phenomenally excited by the conglomeration of ziplines/ropeswings available for my use. but never to fear. it all works out. we figured out that we still had an american $20 bill. and when the first drink we ordered came with a complementary bottle of lao whiskey and a shot glass, we knew we’d be fine.

bucket of vodka (yes that’s right, bucket) in hand, we immediately picked up company with a bunch of irishmen and canadians we’d seen at dinner the night before, and together we began the long journey down the river.

hugh, anh, me, matt. irishman, anh, me, canadian:

by “long journey” i really mean short journey. the combination of cheap booze and tourists from landlocked countries catapulting themselves off ropeswings with only a vague-to-hazy idea of how they’re supposed to land — where was the incentive to go anywhere?

we started at about 1 pm, and by about 6 that evening had moved about 5 bars down the river. maybe 400 meters total. or 400 metres total. not very far. the final “small bar” we stopped at had a beach volleyball court, a foot-volleyball court, a ping-pong table, and three tiers of platforms for watching the 30 ft. rope swing.

but yesterday i realized that i’m getting old. because the following thought crossed my mind:

wait, they’ve put together unlimited booze and above-water acrobatics? and no safety regulations in sight? (unless you count the guys at the top of each tower hollering at the tubers to get out of the way) what a recipe for disaster.

this thought was banished by the consumption of alcohol, which i suspect is how they get people to willingly participate. in fact, i think it might have played a part in anh deciding to go finally go off of a ropeswing. the last. the last AND the largest.

here she is in action. she’s smiling, but her eyes may or may not be closed.

we ARE alive. along with everyone else who participated in the festivities yesterday, i think.

parents/concerned-relatives, sorry you had to read about our irresponsible drinking. but it was really, really FUN irresponsible drinking. that makes it better, right?

anyway, it was enough fun for us. we high-tailed it out of there this morning for luang prabang. a UNESCO designated world heritage site. we are such a learned and cultured traveling duo. anh is finishing up writing about today’s journey right now. it was QUITE interesting. slash terrible.